Random Thoughts: 8/9/21

I haven’t done a “Book Club” post in a while but I’m working on it. I’m reading Seven Pillars of Wisdom, by T.E. Lawrence. In fact, I told myself that I was gonna marathon read it last week to finish it quick. Hey! Guess what!? That didn’t happen. I’m not beat up about it. I actually kind of realized that this book was actually just another piece of media for me to consume. I think I’ve backed myself into enough corners now so that explaining what this first idiotic paragraph meant will carry me to content.

I, like every one else in existence, have things I like that aren’t really constructive. I used to play alot of video games, as an example. Now, Seven Pillars of Wisdom is no video game. It’s super high high level literature. I feel self-conscious telling people that I’m reading it because it sounds like I’m bragging, like; ‘Oh, I’m reading Plato’s Republic for fun. I’m so smart n’ smarmy’. For most of my life I would have to avoid telling people what I’m doing because it would be things like watching anime or some other terribly humiliating activity.

The problem arises then that I begin to think of reading Seven Pillars of Wisdom as a “constructive” thing. Like, other things I want to do are distractions away from the goal I have that seems more responsible. It’s weird but I have to realize that no matter how hoity-toity the book is it’s fulfilling the same purpose as those old video games did. It’s my for fun, get-distracted-away-from-life-for-a-while, activity. Yes, I feel much better about that activity for me being high end literature than I did about video games or bad TV. I’m definitely on the next level but, I need to not get down on myself from a lack of follow through on reading quotas. Reading these books is not my job, I get to do it whenever I want and however I want.

I do think of this blog as something akin to “job” but only in the sense that I put real effort into it. I do feel less successful on the day if I haven’t written at least a “Random Thoughts” post but I like that dynamic. I should however realize that my “Book Club” posts would not be my main product even if this blog was a full on job. My rantings about complicated books are great, in that I like them and enjoy them, but they aren’t as… as much “Me” as these more off the cuff posts. I am the main selling point of my blog, not what I choose to write about. Maybe that sounds weird but it makes sense in my head.

I find that my “Book Club” posts are actually more for my own benefit than for the Blog’s benefit. By “the blog’s benefit” I mean improvement to the overall quality of the blog in the non-reality where this blog pays my bills, or even just gets mediocre levels of traffic. My “Book Club” posts are like notes I might take during a college class. I don’t want to ever read Plato’s Republic a second time. I really like the book but fuck that. I’ve been “reading” it for almost 2 years and I’ve only read 4 chapters. I put “reading” in quotes cause I haven’t actually picked up the book in ages but, I am still in the process of reading it.

If I write down all my thoughts and analysis it facilitates better understanding. I’m a massive weirdo who is starting to realize, as I get older, that Taking Notes is actually dope. I wanna Take Notes on everything. Those Book Club posts are just more intentional notes and they have a surprising but happy lack of further purpose.

These Random Thoughts posts actually feel more like “The Point” of it all to me. These, off the cuff, not proof-read, unguided rants are the posts that most express who I am and how I think and, like I said, I am the main selling point here.

Also, I say I get almost no traffic but I gotta give a shout out to “Sebastian”, who gives my posts “likes”. It would be hilarious if “Sebastian” was actually like some version of “Tom” from MySpace that is just a trick. WordPress sees unread Blogs and manufactures “likes” to keep customers thinking people read their babblings. That’s my little conspiracy theory that I don’t believe in but pretend to sometimes because it makes me laugh.

What else was I gonna say? I thought of something to talk about a couple paragraphs ago. I told myself at the time that I would just remember it and start in on it when I finished the other stuff but, as is almost always the case, I can’t remember it.

See!? This is why writing stuff down is a good idea. I need to take more notes. I’m gonna start taking notepads with me wherever I go, the same way the women folk carry around their very convenient looking purses. I’ll be trying to get into the Club, which I pronounce as “Da Cloughb”, and every bouncer will know me as the notepad guy who’ll stop mid breakdance move to take some notes on some random shit nobody else would think is interesting. I’ll be famous for it! I’ll be a famous Note Taker!