There was always more than one reason I felt like I was an outcast as a kid. Maybe outcast isn’t the right word. Confused is what I felt. One of the main reasons I was confused was because everyone one else around me, starting before even middle school, everyone else started to get completely obsessed with sex. It wasn’t even just the other kids. I didn’t really start to consciously notice it until I was in probably 6th grade but it had been there the whole time. The world has been obsessed with sex since the dawn of time.
As I got older, I started to notice that almost every single movie involved sex in some way; beautiful women, tight outfits, romances, and even jokes. Disney Princesses didn’t fuck up my brain by giving me unrealistic body images. Well, it did a little. The real reason it fucked me up was because of how sexualized they were. Their faces didn’t look that unrealistic. It didn’t really matter all that much to me that their bodies were weird looking. I was confused by their fact that their asses were so incredible and how those incredible cheeks always seemed to sway in just the right way. Their cartoon tits? High and tight baby. A child’s toy woman? Just the right curves. A Michael Jordan movie for kids? Lola Bunny baby. Can Samus just be a female bounty hunter in a video game? Nope, gotta have a swimsuit skin.
When I was a little kid I loved Lola Bunny cause she was better at basketball than everyone else and she was smarter than everyone else. I didn’t even think about the idea of being attracted to her. Why would I? An ass as amazing as that is still no good reason to like someone, obviously. Even as a little kid it seemed obvious, to me, that those features had no correlation with friendship. In fact, attractive features, at the time, were kinda scary for a kid like me. Hot kids were rarely nice kids. I didn’t bring Lola up because she means anything to me in particular. If she did I would tell you, cause why not? Now, I find her a little bit disturbing. Lola Bunny was just one example out of millions of an extremely sexualized female character.
The problem is that even when you’re as young as elementary school, obsession with sex is expressed in a lot of different ways. The kids that get made fun of in first grade? You think any of em are hot, from the perspective of another first grader? It’s the ugly ones, from the perspective of another first grader, that get shit on every day. It helps to be a quiet kid but if you’re ugly and loud?
When kids started to grow up though, they turned that looks based system into a competitive sport. They didn’t even realize it was happening but suddenly there’s this name based scoring system. It’s universally installed to keep track of who’s currently winning the game. Each name was worth a certain number of points, metaphorically, based on the name’s tits. You start to see sex more and more often in the movies. The movies you’re newly allowed to see are filled with it and on top of that, you realize that 65% of the all the movies you had already seen were also subtly about it. Every sitcom has an “You show me yours and I’ll show you mine” episode. Rachel has to have sex with Joey because fuck it I guess. Bond has to fuck the girl and the girl has to look just a little bit younger each movie. Every marvel movie needs at least 3 Ass Shots with a great ass in the foreground and someone else in the background. Shit even Lion King has the word “sex” written in the stars of one shot. Obviously, I didn’t notice that until way later but it’s there.
Like, God Damn guys. Relax. Christ above. Like, every time a attractive woman walked by the other guys would be curious about what she would look like naked.
Me? I’m being 100% honest when I say that I would get curious how much more amazing she would look if she were smiling, or laughing. God, that would be a sight to see.
Back to Everyone Else? Rating tits and ass. Fuckability. One to ten.
I’ve been conscious of that difference the whole time but obviously never told other people cause its real cheesey. I laughed at how corny it was myself. I still kinda do. Like, holy cow that’s corny.
In your own life try and take a step back and look around once in a while, seriously. The whole world is obsessed with it, either for its own sake or for how well it sells. When I was a teenager I once looked up how to tell when puberty started. The top google match said it started when you had your first “Night Emission”. I was a kid so I didn’t bother to do more research on the subject. I just thought that was it. I had remembered some kids saying that was true before and, at the time, they seemed to know what they were talking about. That’s 2 separate sources. You could run a news article on two sources so that must be enough. I am 28 years old and I have never had a wet dream in my life. Shit, I’ve never even had a sex dream at all.
The closest thing I’ve had to a sex dream in the last 8 years was me trying to fight off a naked and begging Selma freaking Hyak. Damn that woman looks good but I couldn’t take advantage of how sad she was at the time. I don’t know what she was sad about but it did not seem like an appropriate . Then another guy comes in and is into the idea and I start fighting him off. The dream transitions from there into a video game dream where I fight the guy. That’s the kind of “sex” dreams I’m having.
I’m pretty much 100% certain I’m not asexual though. I am definitely physically attracted to women. It’s just that my fetish is emotional connection and consent. It’s one of the few fetishes still not really accepted by society. You can suck someone’s toes all you want but want your sexual partner to be having a good time? Thinking about in a way that isn’t a contest or a proving grounds? Want to be happy? Sorry, that’s not really a thing that can be translated to into porno format. Actually, emotional connection is really hard to get but people still want sex for those other reason so you just have to watch that. Consent is so amazingly sexy guys. It’s like don’t you like toes or other fetishes partly because if the other person is into it then it’s like the truest act of consent? Oh my god she’s into this too? She’s knows me and is still into me.
It’s not just porn that refuses to focus on emotional connections or even consent. Sexual for the sake of sexual is the way woman are in 95% of even big budget films. Even those movies that aren’t explicitly about sex have to bring it up, like The Sandlot. Submissiveness seems to be the most common fetish by a mile and I hate the shit out of it.
People bring up “facts” all the time like ‘Men think about sex once every 7 seconds’ or ‘A movie about a 40 year old virgin is wacky and hilarious.’ I know that movie isn’t a bad movie but when your a kid trying to escape you never really give it a chance. To a kid like me it was just a joke making fun of someone for the same things I’m afraid to be made fun of.
I really don’t want people to think that 40 Year Old Virgin scared me or anything. I haven’t seen it all the way through but the characters were not basic and the movie didn’t really make fun of him. It’s just one example of thousands of moments in my life where I was told that having sex was a crucial goal. I never thought about it till now but the goal of the main character is even to have sex with the woman in that movie. Yeah, writing wise his goal is to find the right person that he can truly open up with, but the movie part of the movie is about the sex.
It felt like society’s addiction turned all woman, all of them, into sexual objects, good or bad, and it turned all men, all of them except the “pussies”, into competitors. I sucked at this competitive sport and was therefore disrespected among my peers. Secondly, I didn’t care about the sport. That was one of the reasons I sucked at it, to be sure. Thirdly, I didn’t understand one bit why everyone else cared so much. It was confusing. It still is confusing.
I know my brain manufactured some of that pressure as a response to other things as well but I can’t tell you every exact detail because I don’t know. I can only tell you how it felt and that is how it felt. Confusing. The cool kids were respected and admired and, while I was fine with being an invisible observer, I never figured out why they were respected or admired. Why was anyone listening to them? It had to be because they knew something I didn’t. I must have been defective. Why was I different? My confusion only kept producing more confusion.
I think eventually sex will be seen as less important in society since population issues are a thing now and because raising kids is really fucking hard. This post isn’t to say that I’ve been repressed or damaged or scared. I just felt confused. I just felt like the people around me were nothing like me and that’s scary for a kid.
The Mind of Joshypoo 