Yesterday, I just didn’t want to write but today I actually just can’t think of a good way to start. I don’t really know what to talk about. Well, I do have one thing on my mind but I’m not ready to talk about it here. Please, dear reader, do not get mad at me for teasing you. It is not my intention to do so. Plus, you don’t exist so boom, I can say whatever I want. I could whine and complain about stuff for 1,000 words and I might feel like it’s absolute trash writing, as most writing motivated by being upset typically is, especially when it’s written by some one young with not alot of writing experience.
I’ve been making myself an omelette every morning for a little over a month now and while I really enjoy having a regular breakfast everyday for the first time in my life I also am starting to get worried that omelettes may not be the way to go. I really like the idea of omelettes but, to be honest, eggs are not a very interesting foundation for someone like me who is not a chef at all. Eggs need other things with them to be any good, I have noticed, and other things are, inevitably, more expensive than eggs. I think I’m gonna buy one of those pre-cooked chickens at the grocery store and try chicken for a while. I bought a huge thing of cheese about a week ago and I have no idea why I bought the biggest bag of cheese I could find. I don’t even really think the type of cheese I bought works. What am I supposed to do with a giant ass bag of shredded cheese that I don’t particularly want. I guess I could make quesadillas with the tortillas I also bought for no reason but simple cheese quesadillas are also pretty boring. I also think cheese is not my body’s favorite food. I heard some where a long time ago that all adults are slightly lactose intolerant and all animals stop drinking the stuff but humans just keep drinking milk.
I’ve never even liked milk. there is only one situation in history where milk has been really truly good tasting in my eyes and that time is right after eating some french toast. Something about the combination of maple and milk just works. Maybe I’ll make french toast tomorrow instead of an omelette. I’ll keep you readers informed on further developments.
I think the word ‘people’ is one of my favorite words. Maybe it isn’t one of my favorite words to say but I love the way it’s spelled. That ‘o’ is so funny to me and every time I write down the word, for any reason, I pronounce it in my head as Pee-oh-ple. Me and the english language have kind of a strange relationship. It’s strange in the sense that I am in love with it and it is a series of letters that can never love me back. Loving something is odd.
Let’s move off the topic of love. Don’t get it twisted, I love the topic of love and I have always thought myself as a bit of a romantic, though clearly a foolish one. The problem is that I’m lazy and don’t want to get sucked into writing about love in really serious ways for the next hour. “But Josh, isn’t you getting sucked into the practice of writing the entire point of doing any of this?” Shut up you.
The question I’m asking myself is if I should just keep writing for a bit and then publish whatever it is that I’ve written after an hour or less OR if I should stop writing but leave it unpublished so I can add on to it later. I mean, I did say this was a collection of morning thoughts but my ‘morning’ has become 4 o’clock in the afternoon. I really don’t like this sleep schedule but my roommate, who is also my brother, wakes up at 1:30 P.M. and goes to work an hour later. He gets back around 11 at night and wants to hang out and stuff and I like my brother so I want to hang out to but we end up going to sleep at 3 in the morning and at that point I just kind of don’t care anymore about going to bed on time so I just stay up to whenever. I told him to try and get the morning shift at his work but he said that anyone who even asks ends up getting punished in some way. After I said that seemed untrue he said he already asked a couple times and he was essentially ignored so the morning shift could be given to less qualified people. I don’t doubt any of that story but… well… I guess I have no real ability to guess what’s going on at his job. His job is unlike any job I have ever had simply by virtue of it being a regular type of job. I, on the other hand just ended a 5 year stint as a preschool teacher, which is quite an unusual type of job, and now I’m unemployed. I got along great with my bosses and they encouraged me to come to them with anything I needed. I didn’t need much since I’m real easy to appease but I guess the idea of having a boss that wants you to be happy must be an unusual one in today’s society. That’s pretty fucking sad actually. I think maybe we should also avoid the topic of workplace balances and attitudes. Again, I’m not afraid of talking about for fear of getting upset or for fear of lookin a fool. I’m just not looking to try and convey all of my policies on how people should interact with each other. As soon as I start talking about interactions between people I get carried away with my own insane yet obvious and well thought out philosophies of human interaction. I say ‘well thought out’ because all of my ideas and policies work and are clearly mature and commendable. I say ‘insane’ because nobody else seems to agree with me.
This isn’t a brag by any means or a knock on people who don’t know how to communicate like adults. I actually pride myself on my ability to easily and quickly communicate the important things to people and in ways that they both can understand and can feel good about. You see, saying what you want is not actually the entire goal. You need to take what you want to say and translate it into something the other person can not only understand but that they can digest easily. That’s what it means to be a teacher in a way and God has seen to it that I am a teacher at heart. I’m not too happy with God about it since that basically means my soul job makes zero money.
I haven’t talked about my idea of Soul Jobs yet. A Soul Job is what a person is truly meant to be. It’s like the soulmate version of jobs. My soul job is probably teaching but what any teacher should try to do is to find a way to teach in a line of work that isn’t teaching. Obviously teachers should be able to be teachers but fuck that. If the world is gonna think we are useless and if the world is gonna take it in turns to push us down over and over than I’m gonna try and not be a teacher. IT fucking sucks when you know your soul job, and you love your soul job, but that job sucks real bad. The amount of shit that is both hardcore systemic and also makes your job way worse is just ridiculous. Being a preschool teacher is no bueno my friend. Especially a male preschool teacher. Being a young, male, preschool teacher is IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER a sustainable existence.
I know I shouldn’t write in all caps but whatever man. I care about this stuff. Me trying to avoid talking about just ranted for a bit. I guess me ranting is what this is supposed to be but I’m done making myself sad. Thinking about the truths I hate most in the world is a healthy and productive thing to do but thinking about it too much is just depressing. My brain can kind of get obsessive once it finds something it can actually focus on for more than 5 seconds.
I’ve thought alot about how I could describe my brain to a normal person and I’m not sure I have found the right answer. I’m not saying my brain is any better than the average person or that I’m significantly more intelligent in any way, its just that my brain is clearly doing things it is either not supposed to be doing or its doing things that other brains should be doing more of. I guess the last possibility is that my brain is doing it’s own thing and that’s not inherently better or worse or more valuable than what your brain is doing. Comparing myself to other people is something I do alot but it’s always motivated more by simply understanding the perspectives that other people might have.
The Mind of Joshypoo 